Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Do you want to know a secret?

George W declassified information just yesterday so he could scare bejesus out of the gullible American public today. My grandmother had clairvoyant tendencies - she could see the future in her dreams. I only dreamed about a long dreary trip to Australia last night, but here are my clairvoyant thoughts about the declassified material:

1. It's so secret that it won't be verifiable, because that's a secret too
2. It'll show that Osama and the gang are only steps behind us, waiting with a giant club
3. It won't tell us where Osama is, though it will tell us what he's thinking
4. It will be definitive proof that we need to stay and fight in Iraq
5. It will be the lastest, brazen lie in the series that this president has foisted on a public and a press devoid of curiousity
6. It will show us that there are evil people out there who hate us and our freedom
7. It will be designed to get the cadets at the Coast Guard Academy, and their families, cheering. Since none of them will ever ship out to Iraq.
8. Though this top secret was easy to declassify because it bolsters some Rovian plot, the Justice Department emails that would clear up the attorney-general imbroglio will remain redacted to protect us from the truth.

I get 5 points for a correct prediction. Three points for a partial. And no points for a wrong guess. If I score 20 or below, I will buy little Georgie a plate of Oysters in Perkins Cove this summer.

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